


Secrecy and Lose

by Starboi



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Allison owns a car, Depressed Stiles, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Full Shift Werewolves, Hurt Stiles, Nice Peter, Other, POV Scott McCall, Scott is a Bad Friend, Scott is not a true alpha, Shapeshifter Stiles, Stiles Leaves the Pack, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, Stiles is keeping secrets, kid malia, the pack is mean to stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-09 05:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5528441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starboi/pseuds/Starboi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has slowly been pushed out of the pack, he entrusts five people with the secret knowledge of where he is and what he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Malia is about 12 years old  
> There is swearing  
> This might make some people cry a little  
> The pack is mean  
> Ect.

     Stiles has a feeling it will be officially announced in the next couple of weeks...well...thats if they even remembered he existed which that in itself wasn't that likely. Stiles had hardly looked at let alone spoken to any of them for weeks, the exceptions being Lydia, Allison, and little Malia. This has been going on for five months now. Over a total of five months the pack slowly started to isolate him and push him away. He watched as his 'friends,' his 'family' shunned him. And it hurt.

     It hurt to watch Isaac with his big doe-eyes chat and laugh away with Kira and Stiles' ex-best friend Scott. It hurt to see how Erica and Kira looked at him with a care-free expression with a hint of distaste and Boyd's sympathetic looks when he catches his eye. Jackson's glares only grew more venomous every time Jackson saw him. But what hurt the most was how Scott would just smile at him like nothing was wrong.

     He stopped going to pack meetings after two months, pack movie nights a week after his last pack meeting, but not after sneaking a solar powered microphone under the couch (the solar panel was facing the southern windows at the new Hale house) so he could listen in on the pack during meetings. He stopped sitting with them at lunch sometime during the third month. His name was mentioned once during the while meeting and talk of his absence lasted for less than twenty seconds before it was forgotten entirely.

     He cried that night. He cried silent, choked, sobs at how the pack that HE helped CREATE, has risked his life for, sacrificed himself for, cared for, lied to his dad for! And what did they do? They threw him to the street. At least Allison and Lydia still cared about him enough to text him and sometimes even sat with him at lunch or in the library. And Malia, bless her young and caring heart would come climb through his window a few times a week to just talk.

     That night found him lying in a clearing in the middle of the preserve as a red fox, completely aware of the full moon rising in the sky. He is easily two miles outside pack lands so he is certain the wolves won't be out here. He decided to just lie there, reviewing his plans in his head, then remembering all the fun times he and the pack did before they started excluding him. Lost in thought Stiles failed to register the single howl that cut through the silent preserve  
-dogfindcomefastplay- soon followed by six other howls.

     A minute later Stiles got up and slowly wandered over to an elbow shaped boulder near the edge of the clearing. Sitting on his haunches in the crook of the rock, Stiles gazed upon the stars, having vivid flashbacks of him and Scott star gazing in his and Scott's backyards as kids, pointing out all the constellations they knew, well, Stiles pointed them out while Scott hummed in agreement. Stiles was violently ripped from his memories by a nearby twig being snapped. He quickly jumped into a defensive position, fluffing out his fur (to make him appear larger) and hackles raised, he scanned the grass and tree line.

     His eyes zeroed in on a pair of crimson eyes that were eerily familiar. Eight more pairs of eyes glowing electric blue and striking gold suddenly appeared on either side of the red eyed creature. They slowly approached and Stiles was able to make out the shapes of nine wolves. Stiles stupidly realized it was most likely the pack, 'what the hell is the pack doing way out here?' Stiles thought angrily, emitting a low growl -stayawayleaveangry- The wolves responded with much more threatening growls, going as far as to bare their teeth at him. Oh yea they don't know about you because you didn't bother to tell them and now they don't deserve to know, Stiles chuckled humorlessly in his mind.

     Shifting his focus back to the wolves and coyote in front of him, he flattened his ears against his head and snarled, slowly backing away from the wolves in front of him only to back into the boulder behind him. The wolves continued to stalk towards him so Stiles did the last thing he could think of that wasn't charging or turning into a human again, he let his eyes glow the electric purple of a shapeshifter. The entire pack froze mid-step and stared, obviously surprised by not only he being a shifter but also by his eyes not glowing a gold-amber color like kitsunes and werefoxes. Stiles curled his tail protectively around his body and growled a little louder and baring his teeth, a sign saying back off.

     No one got the message and took several steps closer ready to fight the unknown creature now only 15 feet away. Screw it Stiles thought and charged, expertly avoiding swiping claws and powerful jaws. He had managed to bypass the line of wolves! Ha! Not so fast are ya Derek? Right on que a body much larger than his own rammed into his flank sending both bodies rolling with high pitch yelps and growls. When Stiles and whoever hit him stop rolling, he finds himself looking directly into the blood red eyes and large white teeth of Derek. Stiles decides right then and there that he has had enough of this bullshit. Shifting into a cheetah, he kicks Derek off of him and breaks into a sprint, easily out running everyone. He turns towards the boulder that trapped him and jumps up onto it before leaping off. He shifts into an eagle mid air and takes a perch in a tree, and stares at the pack who stares right back. Derek shifts. "What the hell and who the hell are you?" He all but growls. "I do believe that that is a multi-shifter. They are rarer than werefoxes which are already incredibly rare." Peter perks up. Moving to a much sturdier branch, Stiles being the little ass that he is sometimes (mostly) is, decides to play a little trick...he turns into Derek, "I am Derek Hale" Stiles all but sniggers. Real Derek looks like he is going to murder half of Beacon Hills . "Or as that human boy in your pack ...mmm... Stiles I believe his name is...calls you, Sourwolf." Three wolves visibly cringed at the mentioning of Stiles' name, two blond/sandy colored wolves Stiles assumes are Jackson and Erica and a chocolate brown wolf he assumes is either Scott or Boyd. "Oh dear did I say something wrong?" Stiles taunts now looking like Erica, "by the way a few of you cringed when I said Stiles and the way he has been acting the past few months I would think that you kicked him out of the pack that he helped create." Derek released a primal sounding growl "What are you talking about and what have you done to Stiles?" "Oh I didn't do anything, if anyone did anything to the human it was you _wolves._ I mean, when was the last time any of you had a actual, genuine conversation with him? Hmm? Go on, say how long its been." The rest all shifted back. Scott's looked horrified at the realisation, Isaac looked genuinly concerned, Erica looked like she didn't care that much, Boyd and Peter had the slightest hint of sorrow and sympathy on their faces, and Jackson just looked pissed. As usual.

     Without waiting for a response Stiles once again turned into an eagle and took off flying towards his home. Stiles landed several blocks away from his house to throw off Derek who had been following Stiles. He made it the rest of the way home as a chipmunk. Once there he collapsed onto his bed and passed out.

>-<>-<

When he woke up, he found Malia curled up next to him. "Morning" he said through a yawn. The response was a muffled groan, obviously displeased with having been woken up. "That was you last night in the forest wasn't it?" 'Welp' he thought to himself, 'Looks like I can't hide it anymore.'

      A couple hours later Malia was on her way home, she knew where in the preserve to find him, that he was a shapeshifter, that she could never tell anyone, not even her alpha or her dad any of this information, and that the only people she could discuss this with were Allison, Lydia, Melissa McCall, and his dad. By the end of the day they all had been told the exact same thing: he is a multi-shifter, he was pretty much abandoned by the pack, and that he was leaving to go live in the preserve, that if they need him walk out his back door and walk straight for twelve miles, don't tell anyone in the pack, not even Derek, and that the only people who know about this are the people he trusts the most: Allison, Lydia, Malia, Melissa, an the Sheriff. He then wrote a note to the pack.

_Hello Whores (except for Alli, Lyds, and Mal),_

_Whomever is reading this, don't try to track me and find me because you won't. Yes, I have officially left you all to wither and rot. Over the past five months I feel like I have been slowly pushed out of the pack. It started with you guys talking to me less, then you guys started to forget telling me when pack meetings and movie nights were, next you guys seemed to forget that I even existed. I can prove that fact at least four times. The first time was when no one asked me why I stopped coming to pack meetings altogether. The second time was when no one asked me why I stopped showing up to pack movie nights or outings. The third time was when no one seemed to notice that I had stopped sitting with you all at lunch. The fourth time was when no one even sent me a Happy Birthday text on my FUCKING BIRTHDAY when I know for a fact that you ALL know when my birthday is. Allison, Lydia, and Malia are the only exceptions to any and all of these. At least they had the decency to wish me a happy birthday and Malia thank you for the pretty card you made me, I appreciate it a lot._  
_There are a total of five people that make me feel at least a little important, two of them are not even in the pack. I have trusted these five people with not only my whereabouts but also my secret, these people have all promised to never tell a single soul dead of alive, my secret and my current location, and don't even bother trying to force them to give it up because they wont for my sake. These people are my Dad, Melissa, Allison, Lydia, and Malia. And don't bother trying to find out what my secret is from Scott because I never told him. Oh and I hope your happy Jackson because you guys have successfully done something nearly impossible in itself...you all were actually able to break my spirit...it only broe once before and it never truly healed and never will. Only Boyd, Allison, Kira, and the Hales would not truly know about the first time it broke, Scott should know...he helped me the most then._

 _Yours Truly,_  
_~Stiles Stilinski_


	2. Scott

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott's perspective on the situation at hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to reread Chapter 1 Because I made some edits to it.

_**Scott** _

 

How had he not noticed this before?

 

_'When was the last time any of you had a actual, genuine conversation with him?'_

 

     That other shifter's words were still ringing in his ears. Now here he was rereading the letter Stiles wrote for the fifth time, still trying to comprehend it. How could he have done this to his best friend? His _brother?_ "I wouldn't stare like that for to long Scott, your face might get stuck like that" Peter called in a completely care-free tone. Scott sent a scowl toward Peter impressive enough to rival Derek's own scowl. Turning his attention back to the letter, Scott puzzled over it one last time.  _'What secret could Stiles be hiding and why did he never tell me?'_  The fact that Stiles kept something from him hurt almost as much as Stiles leaving. Scott just slumped against the wall and slowly slid down to the ground resting his head in his hands. Scott thought back to the events that took place earlier today.

 

_Scott was worried. He was worried because Stiles wasn't at school today. He was wanting to apologize for ignoring him and not talking and spending time with his brother. All the wolves were worried and anxious, some more than others. The air around the wolves was so tense that Scott swore he would be able to feel it as a human. "So..." Kira walked up "does anyone know why Stiles wasn't here today? Its not like him to skip a whole day without telling anyone where he is. And anyone mind telling me why I can practically feel the tension in the air?" "He told us where he is" Lydia said from where she and Allison were standing several feet away. Both girls' arms were folded and were sending pointed looks towards the werewolves. "Where is he? I-we have something we'd like to tell him." Scott said, worry creeping into his tone. He had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer. "Sorry Scotty, but I'm afraid its a little to late to tell him anything" Lydia said in a tone that made the wolves and the kitsune flinch. "W-What do you me-" He was interrupted by everyones' phones going off simultaneously. Scott hoped it was Stiles telling them where he was all day. In fact he couldn't be more wrong._

 

**_FROM DEREK_ **

 

_Stiles is gone, he left a note. Come to the house if you want to read it._

 

_Scott could feel tears welling up in his eyes. No. No. No. NO! He was going to apologize! He was going to make everything better! Stiles couldn't have left! Not when he was about to make things better! His back hit the side of Allison's pick up. He felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest, preventing him from breathing. "Scott...Scott...listen to me" he heard Allison's voice  "Scott you need to breathe with me ok? In...hold...out...in...hold...out...in...hold...out." "I-I was g-going t-to apologize to hi-him to-today" he practically sobbed once he was in control of his breathing again. Allison only nodded. "You should go read his note. It might answer some questions."_

 

Scott was full on sobbing when he handed the farewell note to the rest of the pack. How could he not see how miserable Stiles was? Stiles was probably the strongest of them all mentally. Yet they managed to break him. No one even thought it was possible to crack Stiles' annoying, sarcastic, and overall positive spirit. As if she read his thoughts Erica whispered "I thought it was physically impossible to break him...I don't even know how we did it but I hate what it did to him." everyone murmured an agree. Scott thought back to try and find a time when Stiles would have been broken, the only time he could think of was when... _his mother died_ _._ Of course, the one time Stiles lost someone he _cared_ about. And Stiles feels like he was abandoned by the pack, by people he  _cared_ about, by his _family_ , his  _brother._ "Guys, I know when he broke the first time...and I know how we managed to break him" Scott stated with a broken voice. "He broke when his mom died." he said looking at Lydia who paled. Her eyes went wide as she put the rest of the puzzle together "He lost a family...member, someone...he loved, someone he cared...about...he thought of the pack..." Scott choked out inbetween sobs "...As his family, and the pack abandoned him...his family abandoned him." Erica finished, eyes wide in horror. "Was he...close to his mom?" Kira asked "very close" Scott, Lydia, Erica, and Isaac replied in unison. "No one would dare mention Stiles' mom, not even Jackson is mean enough to do that and Jackson hates Stiles" Isaac stated, tears running down his cheek. Jackson looked like he was in shock at the realization of how much they hurt Stiles. "We have to make it up to him somehow" Jackson stated. They all agreed, even Derek who looked close to tears himself. Now time to figure out where he is and what his secret is.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was it? A kudos and a comment would be lovely! please criticize me. I want to improve my writing so PLEASE tell me what I can do to get better. 
> 
> ~Starboi


	3. Lydia's view

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning on only doing Stiles', Scott's and Lydia's POV for now. Might add a sliver of Derek's POV in every other chapter.

Lydia felt honored as Stiles left her house. Stiles paused, looking over his shoulder, he gave her a small genuine smile.

 

“Thank you” he said softly “Thank you for being there for me when very few people were.” 

 

“Your welcome” she returned the smile.

 

Stiles actually trusted her with his biggest and most closely guarded secret and new hideout. She was quite sad that Stiles was leaving but it was understandable as to why he chose to do this. She couldn’t wait to see the look on Scott’s face when he read that note. The next day just after school let out, everyone was gathered around Allison’s car. Lydia could virtually feel how tense the air around them was.

“So…does anyone know why Stiles wasn’t here today?  Its not like him to skip a whole day without telling anyone where he is. And anyone mind telling me why I can practically feel the tension in the air? ” Kira said as she walked towards the group. 

 

Lydia felt like it was he turn to speak now. Sharing a small nod with Allison, she spoke. “He told us where he was.” She and Allison crossed their arms in unison.

 

“ "Where is he? I-we have something we'd like to tell him . ” Scott said, desperately, it was obviously important to Scott, whatever he was wanting to say.

 

"Sorry Scotty, but I'm afraid its a little too late to tell him anything" Lydia spat at him harshly. She noticed everyone but Allison flinch at her tone. A moment later everyone’s phones erupted at once.

 

**FROM DEREK**

Stiles is gone, he left a note.  Come to the Sheriff’s house if you want to read it.

 

So Derek found the note. She wondered what he was doing there when normally Stiles wouldn’t get there for at least ten minutes. A dull metallic thud drew her attention back to reality. Scott was sliding down the door of the car looking absolutely devastated and for a moment Lydia felt a little bad for the brunette. Allison suddenly rushed to the beta’s side and Lydia realized that Scott was lost in the midst of a panic attack, tears rolling down his face.

 

"I-I was g-going t-to apologize to hi-him to-today" Scott sobbed. No wonder Scott sounded so desperate to find out where Stiles was earlier, he was wanting to make everything up with him and make things better with him Lydia realized. Maybe she should deliver that to Stiles.

 

The whole pack ended up in Stiles’ bedroom within twenty minutes of the school breakdown. Scott had read the letter at least five times and his hands were shaking violently and was sobbing uncontrollably as he passed the note on. Curios as to what it said Lydia also read it. 

 

“I thought it was physically impossible to break him...I don't even know how we did it but I hate what it did to him.” Erica whispered, horror taking control of her tone.

 

The last couple sentences were what caught his attention the most though. It was clear that everyone but Boyd, Kira, Derek, and Allison were trying to remember that one other time. Scott was the one to get it in the end.

 

“Guys,”  Scott started, his voice broken. I know when he broke the first time...and I know how we managed to break him. He broke when his mom died."  She physically felt herself pale as everything clicked into place in Lydia’s brilliant mind like a puzzle. "He lost a family...member, someone...he loved, someone he cared...about...he thought of the pack..." Scott choked out in between sobs.

 

"...As his family, and the pack abandoned him...his family abandoned him." Erica finished for him looking slightly green to the face. Lydia now knew that the damage the pack did to Stiles would probably never heal. Not if it affected him on a scale that could rival his mother’s death.

 

Kira spoke next "Was he...close to his mom?"

 

“Very close” half the pack spoke in unison.

 

"No one would dare mention Stiles' mom, not even Jackson is mean enough to do that and Jackson hates Stiles" Isaac said, and that alone said something.

 

Shockingly it was Jackson who spoke next “We have to make it up to him somehow.”


	4. Visitors and Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has visitors at his den.

 

 

_ _

_Two Weeks Later_

Stiles was loving this. He now loves living in the woods. Why didn’t he think of doing this earlier? Here he was unrestricted in terms of hiding his secret. He could now shift into whatever he wanted to whenever he wanted to without the fear of being discovered and mauled by wolves. Stiles favorite form was the cross fox. It had beautiful fur of black and silver with a streak of bronze that seemed to glow in the light. Plus his ears, far more sensitive than a wolf’s own ears could hear extremely well. Speaking of that, said ears heard two four wheelers approaching. As they neared Stiles’ nose picked up a scent that he hasn’t smelled for over two weeks hit him. _Lydia’s perfume. And I think Allison is with her!_ Stiles thought as he yipped in glee at seeing his friends again. Stiles bound out of his little den as the two girls dismounted their vehicles and launched himself at Allison who was closest to him, all the while releasing a steady stream of excited chitters and yips.

 

“He should be-OOF” Allison started to say, interrupted by a very excited fox Stiles. Lydia was laughing at Allison who had fallen into flat on her ass.

 

“Awww” Lydia cooed at Stiles, kneeling down and reaching out to stroke Stiles head and back. “Stiles this is a beautiful fox, what kind of fox is it?”

 

“Yes it does have a really pretty pelt.” Allison added. Stiles re-entered his den and stuck his head out while lying on his belly before shifting.

 

“Its called a cross fox. I love how I look as it as well.” He said while pulling sweats over his hidden lower half. Standing up Stiles went and gave the girls huge hugs which they happily returned.

 

“Missed you guys” he said

 

“Miss you too Stiles.” Allison and Lydia smiled.

 

“So...uh, how are things back in civilization? Hows the Pack?” The teen boy asked.

 

“Uh,” Lydia started, “They are not doing too good, yet they have improved is some aspects.”

 

“Yea,” Allison said, “they took you leaving very hard and are desperately trying to find you. Scott and Isaac took it the hardest. Even Jackson felt bad. Scotts practically beating himself up over it.”

 

“Yea, after we told him you left on Monday right after school he broke down and had a panic attack. He said he was going to apologize and that he wanted to hang out and play games with you.”

 

“Oh,” Stiles felt  some remorse for the brown haired beta, “I might speak to him soon, privately, and maybe set some things straight.”

 

“I think that is a good idea. Scott has had less control ever since you left, but other than that, things have improved a bit. Its noticeably quieter now and for one thing the pack kinda hates the silence and is constantly trying to fill it.” Allison said.

 

“You leaving came as such a big blow to them that they are triple checking to make sure everyone is included in pack activities. It gets a bit obnoxious at times but they want to make sure no one else is neglected.”

 

“Well thats good,” Stiles muses, “thats good, they are finally coming together like I have always wanted them to.” His voice is dripping in sadness as he sits town cross legged, leaning against a log. Lydia and Allison sat down next to him, draping their arms over his shoulders as Lydia  rested her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a minute, a comfortable silence falling over them.

 

“Hows Malia doing?” He asked, breaking the silence.

 

“She is doing surprisingly well,” Allison replied, “scary as ever. She is making life hell for everyone except us, Scott, Melissa, and your dad, constantly reminding them of what they did to you. She can see how incredibly broken Scott is over this so shes leaving him alone. She dyed Jackson’s hair pink and covered everyone in cellophane wrap.”

 

Stiles laughed, “that so sounds like Malia. I will never know how a twelve year old werecoyote can manage to scare Derek.”

 

“I know right?” Allison snorted in amusement.

 

Silence once again enveloped them. It only lasted a few minutes before Stiles remembered something he wanted to do

 

“Hey I just remembered, I want to show you something I found. You guys wanna see? I think you will like it!”

 

“Sure!” Both girls exclaimed enthusiastically.

 

“Follow me, Just need to shift” and with that Stiles returned to his foxy form. Restricted to wriggling around in clothing he tried to get out without shredding the shirt and hoodie. Stiles heard a soft chuckle before warm hands wrapped themselves around his middle, lifting him off the ground. The shirt and hoodie were pulled off his head and he was set back down. Looking back he saw Allison tucking his clothes in his den. As the female climbed back onto her four wheeler he gave a short chitter in thanks. Stiles took off in a slow -by his terms- jog so the girls could keep up.

 

As Stiles let them through the woods, his nose started picking up the sweet smell of his target location. Releasing an excited yip he shot forward.

 

“Stiles wait! Slow down!” Someone yelled behind him.

 

After about ten seconds he reached the meadow. Slowing to a stop, he sat down on his haunches and waited for the two girls to catch up. Pretty soon they broke through the underbrush and into the meadow. Stiles couldn’t help the constant stream of chitters and yips leaving his small mouth.

 

“Wow Stiles…” Lydia started, “Its beautiful” she exclaimed, bending down to pick one of the hundreds of wildflowers. ([ Wildflowers ](https://www.travelportland.com/article/wildflower-viewing-in-greater-portland/))

 

“You are so lucky that you live near here Stiles” Allison breathed. Lydia could only nod in agreement.


End file.
